Growing up, I didn’t realize how deeply insecurity could affect my self-image. Until 10th grade, I lived in my own little world where I believed I was pretty. I didn’t overthink how I looked. I was just… me. But everything started to shift when I changed schools in 11th grade. Suddenly, I wasn’t in that comfort zone anymore. I began to notice things- subtle, but powerful.
There was this one girl in my class, pretty with fair skin. Teachers adored her. No matter what she did, even if she made huge mistakes, they’d overlook it with a smile.
And I remember sitting there, quietly wondering: “Why don’t I get treated like that?” That was the first time I felt like being pretty came with privilege.
I spent years thinking I was ugly. Not because I actually was but because of what society, comparison, and internal pressure made me believe. This story is personal. It’s about acne and brown skin trauma, the struggle of dealing with facial hair as a girl, and the complicated relationship between self-worth and societal pressure. If you’ve ever felt ugly, ashamed, or less, then I hope this helps you cope and feel less alone.
How I Fought My Insecurities And Stopped Feeling Ugly And Insecure About Skin, Facial Hair & Self-Worth as a Brown Girl
We all know how it feels to be insecure about something, that constant anxiety of the gap between who we are now and our idea of perfection.
This feeling gets triggered in two ways:
- First, from inside us, we feel like we are not giving our best.
- Second, from outside — society’s expectations and constant comparisons.
1. My Face and Skin Tone – The First Insecurity
Gradually, when I became an adult, my major insecurity became my face and my skin tone.
I have brown skin and a face full of acne.
From childhood to now, I’ve seen so many girls with fair skin and cute facial features getting compliments in front of me while I got none.
It’s not that I was born brown. I had fairer skin as a child, but I used to play a lot in the sun.
And yes, in case you’re wondering, sun exposure can actually change your skin tone. It burns and damages your skin over time.
Being a brown girl with acne became traumatic for me, especially because in most cases, I saw fair skin was more liked by people.
But one thing I always like about myself is my facial features from starting.
2. How I Accepted My Brown Skin and Stopped Feeling Insecure
I tried so many skincare products not just for acne, but also for skin whitening. Some of them were so expensive that I now wonder why I spent so much on them. I didn’t realize how badly I was trying to stop feeling ugly and insecure by throwing money at skincare that never really worked. I’d try every home remedy I could find like turmeric masks, lemon scrubs, multani mitti, anything that promised results. And the saddest part? Some of them did work… but only for a short period only. Eventually, my skin would go back to how it was, and with that, my hope would crash again. I didn’t realize it back then, but I was punishing myself. Every time I saw a girl with glowing skin, I’d look in the mirror and ask, “Am I really that ugly?”
I cried more times than I can count. I spent hours watching YouTube videos and reading Google articles that promised miracles like “Get white skin in 7 days,” “Instant glow home remedies.”
And I kept thinking that how is this even possible?
But I wasn’t stupid enough to try random products on my body, but all these suggestions really fed my insecurity.
Eventually, I stopped relying on quick fixes and started focusing on my lifestyle. eating better, sleeping on time, and drinking water. And slowly, my acne faded. But the guilt of how badly I treated myself? That took longer to heal.
3. Breaking Free from Beauty Standards and Comparison and Finally Accepted My Skin Tone
I started noticing pretty girls who had brown skin and they still looked beautiful.
That made me think that I can be beautiful in my brown skin too.
And slowly, I started accepting it.
But just when I felt okay with one insecurity, another one took its place.
4. Next Insecurity – Body and Facial Hair
Yes, my body hair.
I have more and thicker hair than the average girl, and it grows back super fast. Later, I found out it was because of a hormonal imbalance in my body but before I even knew that, I just felt ashamed, like there was something wrong with me.
If I do my upper lips and eyebrows, within a week they grow back heavier.
Do you remember that topper girl from Uttar Pradesh? – Prachi Nigam
How did people troll her just for having tiny upper lip hair?
Bro, she was just a kid.
5. Strict Parents and Low Confidence in College
Even in college, my parents didn’t allow me to clean my upper lips or do threading.
They said things like, “You’re a kid. If you clean them, they’ll grow more.”
I don’t know if they were being caring or just too strict.
But this really affected my confidence.
I couldn’t make eye contact with people. I avoided college functions.
Yes, hair is natural, but let’s be real. We all want to look hygienic and well-groomed.
6. When I Started Earning, I Took Control
When I finally started earning, I began to take care of myself 10x more.
I cleaned my upper lips and shaped my eyebrows. And started spending more on my lifestyle. I bought clothes that made me feel confident, started dressing well, and for the first time in a long time.
I thought now people would like me.
But guess what?
Nobody cared. Seriously, nobody.
7. Imaginary Insecurities in Adulthood
As adults, we start developing invisible and unmeasurable insecurities.
You can measure your height, but not your success or how much money is enough.
And these things start bothering you so much.
Like me — I always feel like I haven’t achieved anything big in life, so I don’t deserve to rest or feel happy.
That’s why I avoid meetups.
I’m even scared to reveal my face to online friends.
8. My Goals Keep Changing
Two years ago, my goals were different.
Now, they’ve changed.
It doesn’t mean I’m not trying to enjoy life.
But even when I go out to watch a movie or play games, there’s an inner voice saying —
“It would be better if you were working at home.”
This voice is so subconscious that I don’t even notice it — until someone points it out.
9. What I Learned at 23 – Internal Validation Helped Me Stop Feeling Ugly and Insecure
In these 23 years, I understood one thing —
External things like fame or social validation will never satisfy you.
You need an internal validation system. As I grew older, I understood that no amount of external change could fully help me stop feeling ugly and insecure unless I changed how I saw myself.
You should measure your worth based on your efforts, and your honesty, not the outcome.
When you accept your insecurities, life gets a bit easier.
Because let’s face it — people will always talk.
You can’t stop them.
10. What Acceptance Does
Acceptance doesn’t mean you give up.
It means you become desensitized.
You don’t get overly sensitive when someone points out your insecurities. At least not the way you used to. For example, I have a few grey hairs. Sometimes I think about coloring them, but then I stop myself. I remind myself to let them be. Some things don’t need fixing. They’re not flaws, they’re just a part of me now.
Recently, I was at a grocery store, and an aunty standing nearby looked at me and said, “Beta, you have so many grey hairs at this age! Why don’t you color them?” I smiled politely, but before I could respond, the shopkeeper jumped in with a light-hearted comment: “She colored them grey on purpose “It’s her style! She loves it that way.”
We all laughed, and I walked out of that store feeling lighter. It reminded me that acceptance doesn’t mean hiding what you are. Sometimes, it means owning it so confidently that others start seeing it as beautiful too.
But the worst part?
People stop doing things they actually have control over.
11. If I Can Try, So Can You
I’m a lazy girl. I love chocolate ice cream.
But I still exercise.
I reduced my intake of processed food.
I started eating clean and healthy diet.
Because doing things that are in your control gives you power.
It gives you the assurance that at least you’re doing your part.
Final Words
You can’t control everything.
But you can always start with the small things like accepting who you are, showing up for yourself, and not letting the world define your worth.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/why-am-i-so-ugly#practice-self-compassion